It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, and I’m feeling a lot of feelings (like always) so I figured I’d let my fingers type away and try to express all of the emotions that have been present lately.
It’s officially 1 month until our wedding day, and as much as I’ve been counting it down, it’s so bittersweet to think that I will soon leave the town I grew up in, my parents, my job, my friends, and my home to move into a tiny, cheap apartment with my soon-to-be husband and our dog, and start student teaching soon after that.
Up until last week, we didn’t know where I’d be student teaching or where we’d be living.
Talk about trusting Jesus.
I received my placements last Thursday, both being in schools in Marshalltown. We found an apartment last week, too, a cute little two bedroom apartment in State Center, close to Marshalltown and close enough to Des Moines and Ames for Caleb’s jobs. We won’t live together until we are married but we get to start moving our stuff in the weekend of Thanksgiving. We paid the deposit and first month’s rent yesterday.
My heart is exploding with anticipation of waking up next to the love of my life daily and spending my days in the classroom and my nights spent with my best friend in a home of our own. To decorate our home, hang our wedding photos everywhere, cook together, clean together, grocery shop together, go to church together, and not have to say goodbye to each other anymore.
My heart is also aching at the idea of being an hour and 10 minutes from my parents, who I’ve lived with the past year and who I’ve never lived more than 20 minutes away from. As much as I can’t wait to live with my almost husband, I am going to miss living with my parents, as lame as that sounds. They have been my best friends for my whole life, and living with them this last year has truly saved me in so many ways. Obviously financially, but also mentally and emotionally. My parents truly are my heroes and I am going to miss seeing them every day and being their annoying roomie who never wears pants.
As our wedding is so quickly approaching, I am being reminded so often of God’s goodness. I’ve learned so much about patience, forgiveness, repentance, peace, community, God’s providing of our every need and our daily bread, trusting in God despite the heartache and in the face of our sin, fears, and our shortcomings as a couple and as individuals.
Caleb is such a strong man of God and his heart for the Lord makes me want to be a better servant, daughter, friend, sister, and a better partner for him. He’s wise, kind, hard working, resilient, so brave, he fights against sin and loves being emerged in community, he loves me so fiercely, he loves his family and his friends, but more importantly he prays for his enemies and works to be at peace with everyone. I’ve never heard him speak badly about anyone in a way that demeans their character, if he ever talks about disagreements or hurts someone has caused him, it’s in the kindest and most honoring way possible. He calls out my sin and my ways I can be more like Jesus in a non-condemning way, in a loving way that humbles me and makes me think twice about why I’m doing something or saying something. He pushes me to be the best I can be in all I do, encouraging what is truly good.
It’s crazy to me how much God has done for us in our relationship and engagement, as we are so undeserving. He’s given us so much to be thankful for and in this last 30 days of engagement before we are finally married, I pray that we say yes to God more than we ever have. I pray for new appreciation for each other, and new appreciation and love for our Father who has done so much more than we could ever ask or imagine.
It feels like just yesterday Caleb and I were on our first date in a little coffee shop, and spending hours upon hours on Facetime with each other every night for months. Who knew it’d be our last first date and we would be married just shy of a year later.
We began our engagement with 247 days until our wedding day, and we are now down to 30 days left.
I’m sure it will pass in the blink of an eye between finishing up this semester, moving, my bridal shower and bachelorette party, working all possible shifts, sleeping, and let’s be honest, probably lots of crying.
Trusting Jesus isn’t always an easy task for me. But lately, I’ve been seeing Him show up every single time in ways that I honestly sometimes doubted He would show up in. (Example: Apartment hunting for months, looking at 10-15 places and finally finding one the same week I got my student teaching placement, in the location we wanted/needed financially.)
I have no idea what this next season will bring, as much as I’d like to have it all planned out. But I do know that I am so excited and so, so thankful.
Spirit, lead me.
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