I’ve been pretty quiet on social media lately as far as content that I write myself, and I wanted to post an update of where I’m at since being married and moving away to a little town.
I’ve become so content with the simple, sweet life I’m living.
Most days consist of waking up, breakfast and coffee, reading my devotionals and Bible, spending all of my weekdays with kindergartners (student teaching), coming home, cooking, cleaning, reading even more – my Bible and I’m reading 3 books right now, and loving on my husband.
So much joy and growth have come from spending so much time in the Word and living a quiet life.
I’ve been reading a book that my 4th grade teacher (to know Mrs. Parker is to love her… Such a blessing) gave me about a year ago, after she felt God put it on her heart to lend me a copy. We met up for a late lunch at Panera and caught up about what God had been doing in our lives.
The book sat on my shelf for over a year before I read it, because I have a problem with beginning books and then reading them slowly overtime, and reading more than one at once.
The book she gave me is called Fervent by Priscilla Shire, and it’s inspired by the movie War Room. The whole book talks about how the enemy wants to deceive you and attack you in all different areas of life, how this looks, and how to combat it with Truth and prayer.
I started reading this a few weeks ago and I have 1 chapter left. It’s challenged me and shown me many things about God and satan, and how sneaky the enemy can be. It’s helped me to shift my focus from getting upset with people to praying against the enemy’s tactics of trying to steal, kill, and destroy. It’s helped me be more forgiving and it’s brought me closer to God by getting me to pray differently. I’ve become more patient and so much more quick to forgive.
I’ve prayed since I was saved in 8th grade, some seasons more than others. But lately I’ve been praying differently, and it’s been pretty awesome to see how God has worked in my heart since doing this in a new way. In church I’ve been moved during worship to get down on my knees in surrender to Him. Then I found myself praying for and with my husband on my knees, over several instances.
A few things have changed since I started doing this. I am able to position my body in a way of surrender and humble myself before our Father, and it’s helped me recognize that it’s really not about me when I pray. I have seen this become a form of obedience to God and what He’s doing in my heart. It’s helped me to be still and to give God all of my attention. He hears my prayers no matter how my body is positioned obviously, but I feel like in doing this I am more focused, centered, and more grounded in Him during my time in communication with him.
I’ve also been spending a lot of time alone in quiet time with God, reading my Bible, praying, sometimes just sitting, being still, and letting His presence do what only He can do in my heart. This is something that has been life changing. God has spoken to me many times when I take the step to just welcome Him into my day to day life. My time alone with Him is the most important part of my days.
It’s been something that has been so intimate and I have debated posting online for that reason. I’ve felt that social media has made things that are so intimate seem either fake or unreliable because we get to filter through what we post. We post all the good, none of the bad, and when you share something that means a lot to you and has such an intimate place in your heart, it’s really easy for people to judge you, talk about you, and not believe that you’re being 100% honest. Because it’s a social media post, it’s just something that you’ve constructed to generate likes. I’ve kind of just been over it, to be honest with you.
It’s been hard to discern if my lack of posting has been caused by growth in not caring what the world thinks and not entertaining the idea of having people “like” my posts, or if it’s been caused by fear of rejection and people not liking what I post. I’ve almost developed an anxiety with social media, and it’s been put on my heart to step away from it a bit and spend more time with God. I don’t know how else to explain it but I would type up countless posts just to delete them, and I would analyze if I should be transparent and honest about life or just post a cute filtered picture like almost everyone else does with some clever caption. Obviously, I’d prefer to be most honest and be open about struggles I’ve been going through, but in the moment, I would let fear of judgement or the idea of not getting support hinder me from being real online.
Overall, I think this has been a season of growth, because I don’t need other approval online anymore. And in that season of growth where if I do post, it’s more honest and less what the world wants me to be posting, I’ve developed a fear of rejection. This shows, again, what satan can do when God is trying to use you by being honest and letting people know that they aren’t alone. I know that every single person can relate to feeling like crap after the comparison trap that social media makes us feel, and we could all use people to remind us that we are not alone. But the enemy loves it when we isolate and believe the lie that we’re the only one struggling in this life and everyone else has it all together. Lately, I’ve been challenging myself lately to be more honest and open, for God’s glory. Hence, this blog post.
My favorite parts of my days no longer need to be posted online, and I’ve come to like it more that way.
I’ve also been shown that in posting everything online, I wasn’t having quality conversations with people. They knew everything I wanted to share, because I was choosing to share it with the whole world.
I recognized that in not sharing everything with the world, I was able to have more meaningful conversations with humans in real life, and it helped to build more relationships.
I still share some things, like pictures of Caleb – because I can’t help it, and photos of food that I make – because I’ve been cooking daily and I’ve improved and learned so much since getting married.
In sharing about my life, that little social media rant was important to include.
We’ve found a church home (SUCH an answered prayer as we didn’t know where we’d end up when we were engaged), Caleb and I are a part of the young adults ministry, I volunteer with the babies in the nursery (my whole heart) and Caleb is volunteering with sound and the worship band. We are attending a financial peace university class and a class about marriage, both also at our church.
I made a friend at church the other night who just got married Saturday and who majored in Early Childhood Education. Her husband and her love board games and she just moved here now that they’re married. We met a few weeks ago at a young adults ministry night, when she was talking about her fears about moving away from home to live with her soon-to-be husband that she had always been long distance with. I was able to encourage her in that and we are now officially friends (we both were looking for a friend(s) in this new season and thankfully, God brought us each other). I’m excited to see where it goes now that she’s living here and we will be able to spend more time together vs. just texting. God is so cool.
I am student teaching in a kindergarten classroom in Marshalltown for another 3 weeks, then I have a week off for spring break before going to my second placement, which is in a 5th grade classroom. I am 100% in love with my students and the district I am in. My cooperating teacher helps me to be better and she is extremely experienced, which I am thankful for because she’s given me so much guidance and advice. I often feel like I’m stumbling through lesson planning but she is quick to encourage me and remind me that it just takes time. I finally have the schedule down and my lessons are scheduled out for the next 2 weeks. I’m teaching the whole day by myself everyday, and finally feel like I’m getting it.
My time in the classroom I’m in has shown me a lot of diversity, a lot of kids effected by trauma, and a lot of joy. Teaching these kids is a blessing. They are smart, kind, and impressively funny. If you talk to me about them, you’ll see my eyes light up and I could go on and on about the stories I have from my short time with them.
We have conference week next week, so this weekend I will make sure that all my lunches are packed, I get plenty of sleep, and I am 100% prepared for a long week. I am so excited to meet the students’ families, drink lots and lots of coffee, and experience my first ever conference week.
I’ve been in the classroom for 6 weeks, and I’ve been shown enough in this time to know that kindergarten is the grade I want to teach.
I’ve enjoyed all of my placements, but there’s something about this age group that I love so much.
I just want to hug them all and show them how loved they are.
It’s hard to find the words to sum it up in a couple paragraphs, but this has been my favorite classroom experience so far and I am so thankful for it. Soon I’ll move onto 5th grade, and I am excited to see what God has in store for the last half of my student teaching placement.
I work once a week at Texas Roadhouse in Ames, some weeks more but usually just one shift. It’s so nice to be able to take the time to focus on student teaching and pick up shifts if I need to. I’m starting to remember my coworkers’ names without having to look at their name tags and I’m slowly but surely making Crocs a thing at the Ames Texas Roadhouse. (In Cedar Falls, we all wore crocs. I gave a coworker in Ames a pair of mine that I just bought in the fall but they were too small for me, so it’s me and probably 2 other people now. Only like 40 other servers to go. Probably not going to happen but a girl can dream. I miss my store #28 roadies a lot, obviously.)
Caleb and I stay busy enough, but not too busy. We keep time with God and each other a priority and we are learning so much about each other.
We love the town we live in, it’s really small and quiet and it feels so homey.
I personally love the train that is so close to our home, and I really, really love the library in town. It’s where I spend a couple nights a week writing and doing homework. They have the cutest little cart when you walk in that has coffee, tea, and clean and dirty signs for cups and spoons. There’s creamer and sugar, and it is free for your taking. The library is in an old house that has faulted ceilings, crystal door knobs, benches by the windows, a fire place, comfy recliners and couches, so many old paintings complete with gold frames and the artists’ signature in the bottom right hand corner. It feels like my great-grandma is still alive and she created this sweet space just to remind me that time alone, spent writing and reading and being still is so sacred. She is in heaven, but this library reminds me so much of her. The paintings all look like hers and the style of decoration is something she would love. It’s filled with so much character that my old lady heart just about explodes out of my chest every time I come here (I am writing this at the library in a comfy recliner next to the fire place and sipping on lukewarm coffee while listening to the clock tick. Pure bliss.)
Our home usually smells much like the food I’m cooking, the desserts or breads I’m baking, or the candles we’re burning. It sounds like Caleb’s laugh, the record we have playing, or peaceful and quiet. We don’t have internet due to what is offered in such a small town out in the middle of nowhere, and in attempt to save money, which has honestly been such a blessing because I spend much more time in The Word without the connection to the internet. Our wedding photos are finally framed and hung and I have our home decorated in a way that makes my heart happy. I find joy in keeping our home clean and welcoming, cooking for us, and just spending time being at home. We’re aching to own a home of our own someday, where we can have a washer and dryer, have Caleb’s studio in the place we live, and I can have more storage in the kitchen. But for now, we’re loving our cheap little 2 bedroom apartment, complete with a coin washer and dryer, free water, and free garbage pick up.
We are learning a lot about each other and marriage. It’s really the coolest thing ever to be with each other every day and grow together. We’ve been married just over 2 months, but in that time we have grown so much individually and separately. It’s something that feels like a rollercoaster some days, but we are not alone. God is with us, and many of our friends encourage us and are praying for us in this season.
Jordan Dooley said it best earlier this week on a post talking about how her own marriage sometimes feels like a roller coaster.
She gave 3 good pieces of advice/knowledge.
“1. When you’re on an actual coaster, you don’t make the car move up. No. You just show up and buckle up. The machine makes you move. Same goes for your marriage. You commit, show up, and hold on tight but you don’t just have to try to move yourselves back up after feeling like you’re both down on your own. God will move you, together, as He pulls y’all both closer to Himself.
2. Improvement should be your goal, always. But improvement doesn’t only happen when you’re moving upward and toward the top or an ideal. Refining comes in the dips and the times you have to hold on really tight. And even when it feels like a step back, it may really be a step forward to learning more about one another so that you can ULTIMATELY move forward.
3. On that note, your marriage will not always be feeling like you’re climbing up but guess what? If you commit to being a team, even the drops are the ones you’ll take together. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride.”– Jordan Lee Dooley
(Here’s the whole post and the link if you’re interested in reading the rest.)
https://www.facebook.com/SoulScripts/photos/a.607945399372280/1186210351545779/?type=3&theater
I absolutely love that.
Yes, it is absolutely heavenly and so beautiful to be married. But it isn’t just a walk in the park. I’m going to be 100% honest in what I post and I am telling you, it is hard, joining lives together of two flawed, sinful people. In our experience, the beginning is sometimes especially hard because it’s a season of transitions and expectations. Join with that moving away from one person’s family, school, job, and friends, and you can bet that there are going to be emotions that sometimes get the best of us. We’ve been learning how to better love each other, fight well and fight less, listen more, and forgive quickly. We’ve been challenging each other to do things the other person doesn’t like because it’s good for us. (Example: he makes me leave the house sometimes and I make him stay in with me sometimes. Introverts, you know how much home is cherished. Extroverts, you know how much you love people. Marrying the opposite of you brings good balance of those things.)
I miss my family a lot, and try to make it back to Cedar Falls once a month. I wish I could go back home every week but our calendar and bank account wouldn’t allow me to do that. But moving here has brought a season of immense growth and joy in the Lord. He’s sustained me and shown me more of His heart and it’s been so awesome to share that joy with 5 and 6 year olds daily (I can’t tell them about God, but I get to show them through my love).
One last fun fact about our lives: We’ve discovered that chess is our favorite thing. It fixes when we aren’t seeing eye to eye, it is a free date night, it is something to do together, and it makes me weirdly competitive.
If you’re wanting to pray for us, we would love for you to pray about Caleb’s next job, whatever God has in store with that, and for me to build up an immunity to kindergartners in the winter. I’m recovering from a sinus and upper respiratory infection now, and an almost ear infection according to my doctor. Also, just for continued growth in our walks with Christ.
Let me know if we can be praying for you in anyway, we love to be in relationship with brothers and sisters in Christ.
I have an overwhelming sense of peace in this season, even though it’s been filled with lots of commitments, changes, transitions, hard days, and long nights. God keeps providing for us in every way, and I am so thankful for all the changes he’s brought into my life over the last year. My confidence in my marriage, my career, my relationships, and my life overall is all in Jesus. I’ve seen constantly that if I keep Jesus as my focus, everything – and I mean everything – will work out.
Is our marriage perfect? No.
Is our God? Yes.
Is He our focus, foundation, and goal in which we strive to be more like Him in how we love, serve, and forgive each other every day? Yes.
Do we fail daily? Yes.
But the most beautiful thing is that we always choose to love. Even when we don’t feel like it.
Some people may say that I need to be more worried about this or should be more concerned about that, but in reality, my God has shown up over and over in ways that I never could have done on my own. I will spend my time reminding myself of those truths instead of worrying about worldly things. I will love well and steward the gifts He gives me, and trust in His promises, and everything will work out. It always does.
My encouragement to you is to make time to be alone with God and sit before Him, allowing Him to speak to you. The Bible tells us Jesus did this, and I have seen how much this changes things.
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. – Luke 5:16
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone. – Psalm 62:5
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. – Psalm 23:1-3
Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. – Lamentations 3:28
Since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit. – Galatians 5:25
I’m sure that there are many things I haven’t talked about that have been meaningful and impactful. For now, that’s all I’ve got. Marriage is the best, student teaching is such a blessing, and we love our church home and community we’ve found within that. God is good. If you read all this, thank you. I hope you are able to see my heart within the words I wrote.
love always,
– MAK.
fearfullyandwonderfullymandy.wordpress.com 