One whole year sober. I write this not to boast in anything I’ve done, but to share the work God has done in my heart. My flesh is just as sinful as the next human, but God is working in me and I hope to encourage someone else through sharing this part of my story.
If you knew me before marrying Caleb, you probably have seen me under the influence of alcohol. When I first met Caleb, I went out 5 days in a row leading up to our first date, I actually showed up to meet him for the first time in person hungover (real wifey material). I was not okay emotionally, and I was using alcohol to numb the pain. I remember him saying to me, “you’ve gone out 5 days this week… do you know the Bible says getting drunk is a sin?” I remember being caught off guard, partially because I didn’t know that and partially because no one had loved me enough to tell me that.
I have changed a lot since our first date. I am so much more like Christ than I was, marriage is sanctifying. It wasn’t until we were married that I recognized I couldn’t keep drinking and truly follow God fully, or be the wife I wanted to be. The first night I got drunk since being married was the first night Caleb slept on the couch instead of next to me. I got upset with him, I yelled at him and said things I don’t remember that I didn’t mean, we were late to church the next day because we had to pull the car over and cry it out together, and I knew then I wanted to stop drinking.
I gave it up for 5 months, then drank again – this time 5 nights in a row. Later when I was sharing with my mentor about how I had given in and drank 5 days in a row, I was explaining the context of those days. Some of the days were celebrating, some were because I had a bad day. My mentor pointed out I had a negative relationship with alcohol and it took her saying that for me to see it. But it was so true. I used it to cope, numb, deal with bad days, have something to do with my “friends”, fit in… Or celebrate, depending on the day. But I had never stopped to think about my relationship with alcohol ever in my life.
I gave it up again, for a couple months, until 1 year ago yesterday. That night we went to a live show at a winery and I had a whole bottle of wine.
I am a very all or nothing person, and self control and alcohol do not mix with me. I cannot control myself when it comes to drinking and I don’t like who I am under the influence. And the more intimate I got with Jesus, the more I saw what He says about this.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
God is clear in this that the enemy is waiting for someone to devour and being drunk is the opposite of being alert and having a sober mind. Self control is a part of the fruit of the Spirit, and the Bible clearly says that you cannot be filled with the Spirit if you’re drunk on wine.
Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Eph. 5:17-20
We cannot discern what God’s will is for us if we are drunk. The Bible says being drunk leads to destruction. (And I have enough life experience with being drunk that I know it to be true.)
I do not believe that. all Christians are called to sobriety. The Bible says,
“‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’—but I will not be mastered by anything” 1 Cor. 6:12
I was mastered by it. The enemy used it to keep me in such bondage before I was able to break free of it.
Paul goes on to say, “You have been bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body” 1 Cor. 6:20
This is the basis of my WHY of giving up alcohol. Nothing good comes from it. It hurt my body, it took my money, it made me do stupid things, I didn’t like being hungover, it hurt my relationships with others, and nothing made me feel further from God than the pattern of addiction I was in with it. I hated it, but I kept doing it. I remember sitting across from so many people I respected and looked up to, telling them story after story that I was ashamed of, all of which started with the words, “So I went out and…” All the stories started with the same thing, and yet I kept going out. Even when it didn’t line up with my values, my goals, or what I wanted for my life.
Even if you don’t believe the same things as me as far as God goes – I guarantee you yourself have had some sort of negative experience related to alcohol. Whether it was you or someone you love, this is something so many people have been hurt from. It doesn’t take knowing Jesus to see that this is harmful if used in excess or if abused. It’s poison to your body, and it destroys so many families, relationships, and lives. I have seen this and I’m sure you have too.
If you can relate to my testimony, of seeing nothing good from it and making you do things that don’t line up with your morals or faith, I highly recommend giving it up, even if it’s just for a season. My guess is that you won’t go back once you see how great life is without the hangovers and the regret that comes with the choices you made while under the influence. I will never regret being alcohol free, it’s been the best decision for me. I am so much more steadfast. I love that I am so much more loving towards Caleb and my future babies will never see me how I used to be.
And the enemy hates that he can’t get to me like he used to, while I am rejoicing because PRAISE GOD that he is no longer prowling around waiting for me to break down and be weak in this area again. I will always be on guard against this but the temptation isn’t even there anymore. Catch me drinking water, because my body, my bank account, my marriage, and my relationship with God have all never been thriving like they are since leaving alcohol alone for good.
I would LOVE to chat about any questions you have or if you need advice in this area! I would never judge or shun you, as I guarantee I have been there!! I would love to help you be free of this. It is such a gift to not be tempted anymore and to walk in freedom from all the chains of addiction and depression that alcohol brings.
Again, I don’t think you have to be sober to follow Jesus. If you can handle one or two without feeling like you’re being mastered by it or losing control, go you! I just know for me, and many, many others, this is a huge way the enemy likes to keep people in bondage. And I also know this problem has increased drastically for people since COVID hit, with alcohol sales being higher than ever. One question to ask yourself is CAN I give it up, for a few weeks to a month. If you can’t or are unable (or unwilling) to, chances are you’re being mastered by it. And God’s wish is that we are not mastered by anything, other than Him. (We can also be mastered by good things, like exercise or food or our spouse or our jobs! But that’s another post for another time.)
I hope and pray this reaches people who need to read it, and I am already praying for those of you who either will reach out or want to thank me for sharing this but don’t end up reaching out. God sees you, He loves you, He desires that you live your life free of the damage and bondage alcohol can bring.
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. Galatians 5:13
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